How to handle unwanted diet-talk (Part 2)
How to handle diet talk? (Choose your method)
If you find yourself in the midst of a diet talk conversation and noticing feelings of uneasiness, dread, frustration, or if it triggers more unwanted social comparison or eating disorder thoughts, then here are a few ways we can approach it:
Method One: Disengage and/or Change the Topic (no explanation needed)
This approach is helpful when you just don’t have or want to spend the energy on explaining your situation, thoughts or feelings and that’s OK! It can also work well if you have someone to support you in this process and understands your health journey. Here are a few examples you can subtly (or bluntly) incorporate:
“Right. Anyway, has anyone been watching [ insert popular tv show ]?”
“I find diets so boring, can we talk about something else?”
Give one word answers, dull the conversation- “ cool” “nice” “wow”
If someone passes judgemental comments about food- “I don’t like to hate on food”
“you do you…and I’m gonna do me”
“My parents/partner made this so I always appreciate it no matter what it is”
“Sorry, I’ve got to run to [washroom/meeting/class etc]” then leave.
Method Two: Communicating boundaries and feelings
When diet talk becomes incessant even when you try to disengage, it may be time to set a boundary. While this may take a little more effort and energy to express, it can also feel very empowering. When we speak up for ourselves, we are also proving to ourselves that we are worth protecting. When setting a boundary, you can honour both your value for building connections and for the diet talk to stop. You may start off your response by saying, for example:
“I know you don’t mean to offend me but what you said makes me feel uncomfortable. I am trying to heal my relationship with food (and/or body) and prefer if we discuss something else.”
“I appreciate you but I do not feel welcome when comments are made about my body. Could you please stop?”
“I have actually learned about the physical and mental harm around shaming food/the body which is what I experienced last year. That’s actually why I stopped focusing so much on my weight. Maybe we can chat about something else instead?”
“I am recovering from an eating disorder and those comments are difficult for me. It makes me really sad. Please do not bring those comments into our conversations.”
“What’s more important to me than diet talk is catching up with you since it’s been so long. We have so many more exciting things to talk about!”
Method Three: Advocate & Educate
Last but not least, if you have capacity beyond disengaging and boundary setting, you may want to try to advocate against diet talk and diet culture through providing information. It is absolutely not your job to explain yourself to anyone. However in the case where you notice you want to share your experiences or knowledge around the harm of diet talk and diet culture, AND you notice the person you’re speaking with is interested in learning, then it could be a good opportunity for education. It may even better your connections as the recipient may learn more about where you are coming from.
"I am actually learning to become more comfortable around my food choices and growing respect for my body. Did you know that nearly as much as 90% of people who go on diets for weight loss eventually gain that weight back and usually more than what they’ve lost? Diets tend to fail and it's not because we have no control around food.”
"I beg to differ. The conversation around health, food and weight isn’t black and white like you are suggesting. Have you heard of the social determinants of health? There's more than 10+ areas/factors of life that affect our wellbeing food choices besides what is available to us."
"I don't restrict carbs food anymore. I know there is so much fear around carbs and weight gain but carbs are actually our body and brain's preferred energy source. We actually need it otherwise our body ends up finding another way to make it. I have felt a HUGE difference in my energy levels since I started including enough carb foods into my diet. Maybe its time to reconsider?"
Try it yourself! Scenarios around diet talk
These are some scenarios people may experience in different settings. No matter where you are going, diet talk is likely going to be present at some point. Think about what you would like to do or say to prepare yourself if these messages ever come up. You are always welcome to tailor the approach to your own personal needs.
Scenario #1: You're at a wedding for one of your good friends. At the dining buffet table, one of the guests tried to strike up a small talk with you and mentioned that they can’t eat any of the potatoes because they’re on keto. They said they’ve lost quite a bit of weight even though there are some unwanted side effects that’s starting to show up. You want to be polite but are uninterested in this conversation, how do you respond?
Scenario #2: You are part of a family group chat and are planning for an upcoming summer vacation together to Hawaii. Your cousin is eager for the trip and mentions he’s going to start working on his diet and going to the gym to “get in shape” and is asking you to join him, even insinuating that you need it more than him. You are doing just fine with your lifestyle but he keeps asking, how do you respond?
Scenario #3: You are starting a new annual membership with a gym, where you think the space is great and fits the bill for you. The receptionist invites you for a complimentary session with a personal trainer who is available to meet you today. You agree to schedule with them and are excited to get some training advice because one of your goals is to increase your flexibility and muscle tone. During the session with your potential personal trainer, he reviews your diet and offers some ‘nutrition advice’. He is suggesting to try a month of 'clean eating' and puts you on a 1200kcal, intermittent fasting plan. You've heard all about the dangers and unsuccessful rates of low-calorie diets. What would you say to him?
The aftermath of encountering diet talk
It can be exceptionally demotivating and frustrating when we encounter diet talk especially when we are working on healing our relationship with food and our bodies. It’s important to consider the following after handling diet talk:
Do not internalize the diet culture message
This may be easier said than done however even if we are consciously aware of the harm and inaccuracies of diet talk, it can still be very triggering leading to second-guessing ourselves. Whichever the case, you can validate your emotions such as feelings of hurt, disappointment, sadness, or fear. It’s helpful to work with a trusted loved one or a counselling professional to work through these feelings. Only then can we allow our intuition and wisdom to come about. We can then better remember our own values and recognize that sometimes when people pass negative judgments it is usually a reflection of their own struggle around weight stigma, devotion to diet culture facts, etc. rather than anything to do with you at all.
Fine tuning your environment and social interactions
If you find yourself coming across repetitive diet talk with the same person or group of people, and it consistently makes you feel uncomfortable or reduces your feelings of self worth, it may be time to think about whether it is worthwhile to be a part of those interactions so often. Sometimes certain individuals also make it more difficult for us to engage in healthy, sustainable nutrition behaviors. Consider if it is time to create some healthy distance with certain relationships, etc. Letting go is also OK.
Grow a supportive community and/or get support
Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who share your values can be very powerful in building resilience with diet talk and diet culture as a whole. Having people to talk to who share your experiences and your goals can help you stay true to yourself even when diet talk is triggering. If no one is immediately around for support, connecting with a health at every size aligned dietitian is always an option. Asking for a little help is always a great step.
Head over to Part-1 to learn more about why diet talk causes harm.
Disclaimer: the information provided is not intended as medical advice or to diagnose or treat a medical disease. It is strictly for informational purposes. Consult with your medical provider such as a dietitian before implementing any dietary changes, the information provided does not replace medical advice provided by your healthcare provider.
Written by Sharon Sun, RD and Abby Hsiao, RD
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Work Cited
Hunger, J. M., Major, B., Blodorn, A., & Miller, C. T. (2015). Weighed down by stigma: How weight‐based social identity threat contributes to weight gain and poor health. Social and personality psychology compass, 9(6), 255-268.
Tomiyama, A. J., Carr, D., Granberg, E. M., Major, B., Robinson, E., Sutin, A. R., & Brewis, A. (2018). How and why weight stigma drives the obesity ‘epidemic’and harms health. BMC medicine, 16, 1-6.
Stunkard, A., & McLaren-Hume, M. (1959). The results of treatment for obesity: a review of the literature and report of a series. AMA archives of internal medicine, 103(1), 79-85.
Pélissier, L., Bagot, S., Miles-Chan, J. L., Pereira, B., Boirie, Y., Duclos, M., ... & Thivel, D. (2023). Is dieting a risk for higher weight gain in normal-weight individual? A systematic review and meta-analysis. British Journal of Nutrition, 130(7), 1190-1212.
Mann, T., Tomiyama, A. J., Westling, E., Lew, A. M., Samuels, B., & Chatman, J. (2007). Medicare's search for effective obesity treatments: diets are not the answer. American Psychologist, 62(3), 220.
